she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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