Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize