Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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