your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize