It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
