My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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