I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
