Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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