Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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