There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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