why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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