Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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