So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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