There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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