on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
