What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
