My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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