But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize