if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize