just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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