chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
