Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
