I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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