That's intense
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
