YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
