operation have a gay friend backfired
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
