that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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