i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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