Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
