New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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