Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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