After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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