so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
