too bad you live with your parents still
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
