Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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