party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
