so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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