So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
