Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
