i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
