Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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