I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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