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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
