I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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