I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
