So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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