So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
