made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
