So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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