Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
