He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
