i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
