ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
