I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've blown a few things in my day
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize