I'm drive I can fine osifer
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
