YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize