i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
