Come see our sink grown plant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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