I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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