I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
