I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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