Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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