I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
