Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
