Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
