Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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