I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
