that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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