Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
