WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
