No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
