All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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