dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
